Closure & Crazy Humidity

After contacting M three times, I finally received the last thing I was waiting for from him. It's bittersweet, but now everything is over. All ties have been severed and I can finally work on moving on. I was pretty upset today because, while the breakup hurt, him not talking to me about this hurt even worse. I think that, sometime way in the future, we could be friends. We did have a very good friendship. But for now, I just don't want it to be awkward if we see each other at Target or on Grand Ave. Things have ended well and I'm okay with it.

Today started the first day of Minnesota being as mucky as pea soup. It is 88 degrees, feeling like 106. And so I thought I'd take Amy up on her offer to play some tennis outside this afternoon! I went over to Kelly's to hang out in the backyard. There was a bit of a breeze an it didn't feel too bad. By the time 4 pm rolled around, the breeze had stopped. We puddled on the tennis court for about an hour until it started to rain. Then I headed back to Kelly's to cool off in the AC. The rain seemed to make things worse though.

So tonight I'm sitting on my couch, watching the boob tube, and I'm content. My heart's still broken, my knees are still sweating, but I can see that sometime, somewhere, I'll be excited about a boy again. And until that time, I'm going to do what I want to do and have a good time. Because "life is good." :)

Three Things Thursday

1. Life is getting better. It's almost been a week since I was so rudely ditched and dismissed and I only cried once yesterday. I'm really digging my doubles tennis-relationships analogy. Sometimes you win and sometimes it's a struggle to win; sometimes it's easy. Sometimes you have a string of wins for five months and then you lose, badly. Ironically, this is what happened to me in both my romantic life and my tennis life. But I know that I will play another match and I'll win. And I have to have that same mindset when it comes to relationships. I'll win again, but in the meantime, I will practice and get better and be a better person. "And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

2. It's cold and rainy here today and I'm enjoying it. I've opened the windows and am liking the fact that I'm a tad chilly in the middle of July. I'm planning to run my mile later, rain or shine.

3. I've been having a hard time coming up with a third thing. Last night I met up with a friend who's going through a similar situation. We had a good time and we got each other to smile. We know we'll get through and that something better will come along, but we also know that it's going to be hard for awhile. But we have friends and that's priceless.

"Remember no man is a failure who has friends." - It's A Wonderful Life

This part always makes me cry.

Wordy Wednesday

I've been having a tough day today after a good day yesterday. There was absolutely nothing I could have done to prevent this breakup because I was acting like myself. If I was too clingy, too present, there is nothing I could have done.

I've always loved this song:

Standing Outside the Fire

Here are the lyrics:

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show
The ones that never do let go
And risk it the tables being turned

We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
We call them strong
Those who can face this world alone
Who seem to get by on their own
Those who will never take the fall

We call them weak
Who are unable to resist
The slightest chance love might exist
And for that forsake it all

They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire

Chorus:
Standing outside the fire
Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly hiher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire

Repeat Chorus(twice)

Correction

Yeah, I realized after I posted that today is only Tuesday. Le sigh.

Tennis wasn't so good - we lost 1-6, 0-6. I thought there was an interesting connection between doubles tennis and relationships. You can't do anything if the other person decides to return the serve to the opponent at the net. You have no control over the other person. You simply have to trust. And sometimes you win the match and sometimes you don't.

Wordless Wednesday

Friends

Today ended up being a good day. After being violated at my annual exam, I returned some stamps that M had purchased for me, got a pedicure that looks super cute!, picked up Ru's bday present, and then went to the chiropractor. And I only had about 10 crying breakdowns. Then I went over to my friend Jen's apt to swim in her pool, but of course it was closed today. Just my luck. So we decided to head out to Mac's Industrial, the bar we go to on kickball nights, a little early. It was still tough and I almost cried, but I managed to get some salad down. Since I just had my toes done, I did not play, but rather cheered everyone on at kickball. We lost, but it was close and fun game. I got a lot of hugs and it cheered me up to be with friends.

On the way home I cranked up the tunes and sang at the top of my lungs and I feel pretty good right now. I'm sure there are still tough days ahead, but I'll take this bout of okay-ness.

When I was picking up Ru's present, I found this sign and I've made it my Facebook profile pic. I like it.

Three Things Thursday

1. This morning I went to a 4.0 tennis drill. It was the pro, two other guys, and myself. I thought I could hang at a 4.0-level drill since I'm a 4.0 player, but I quickly realized that my back and my lungs are not ready for this level of play. At one point the pro even told me that once we can get me to breathe, I'll be pretty good! So I think I'll work on my mile and the elliptical to increase my cardiovascular fitness and go back to drilling at the 3.5+ level. 

2. On Tuesday I consumed 125.3g protein. On Wednesday I consumed 110.9g. How cool is that?

3. I'm really enjoying The Help. It's an engaging summer read and Wuthering Heights was killing my summer reading groove. The movie is coming out in August and it stars Emma Stone, one of my favorite new actresses. I have yet to see Jane Eyre and Water for Elephants and I'll probably have to catch them on Netflix. Other books that are on the docket for summer: American Brutus, My Year With Eleanor, Bossypants, Marriage Confidential, and At Home.

Emma Stone in The Help